For some of us, we are more of a “Pet Parent” rather than a pet “Owner”. Unfortunately, this term is not in everyone’s vocabulary or realm of understanding. Even other animal lovers find it hard to connect with the fact that, to many of us, the animals in our lives are more akin to our companions or children, rather then merely our pets. Therefore, when we loose one our “Fur babies”, the pain and grief is deep and often overwhelming. We can’t just “Get over it” or “Get another one” immediately after such a profound loss.
With that in mind, I stumbled upon a wonderful article on Huffingtongpost.com entitled “What Not To Say To Someone Grieving A Pet” written by: Amanda L. Chang. Below are some excerpts from her article:
Dr. Claire Sharp, an assistant professor in the Tufts University Cummings School of Veterinary Medicine insightfully says, “There are a lot of situations where somebody calls and they had just lost a pet that had been with them for 15 years, and that pet helped them through with a lot of difficult times in their life, like the loss of spouse or child.”
Oftentimes, people who have never been a pet owner before, or are not as “Connected” to their animal companions may say things that are dismissive of the grief, which just makes the grieving person, feel worse. Below, Carol Baldwin, a certified thanatologist and member of the American Association of Death Education and Counseling, and Dr. Claire Sharp share some of the more common phrases you may here — and why they may be hurtful:
“It was just a dog.”
People who make
As a pet parent, you know that your beloved pet is as much a member of your family as your human counterparts. Therefore, it is normal for the loss of a beloved service animal or animal companion to trigger the same feelings of grief and sadness as any major loss would elicit. In fact, the intense feelings of loss may surprise you and some may even have trouble understanding how you can exhibit such strong emotions for the loss of “a pet”. The reality is, Loss is Loss and the feelings you are having are normal and valid! The connection we have and the love we both give to and receive from our animal companions is real and therefore it is natural to grieve over such a loss.
Coping with that grief can be difficult. The loss of a pet can manifest in many ways such as felling like you’re in a “haze”, sleep issues, changes in your eating habits, daily routines, depression, tiredness or difficulty focusing. You may find yourself dealing with the death of your pet in unexpected ways. In addition, the other animals in your home may deal with this loss through exhibiting similar behaviors as listed above. Here are some quick tips to help you through the grieving process.
Allow Yourself to Grieve
First, accept that grieving the loss of a beloved animal companion is absolutely normal and allow yourself time to grieve. Each person responds to loss differently - crying, guilt, anger, reminiscing, or reaching out for comfort are all ways to cope with the loss of a pet. Often times, the feelings of loss come in waves. It may take many weeks or months to go through the grieving process. No matter how long it takes, allow yourself to express your emotions.
Unfortunately, it is common for colleagues, friends, and family to not fully understand your loss. In such cases, it might be helpful to turn to people who understand the bond you had with your animal companion. This is a good time to turn to friend or family member who feels the same way about pets as you do. Also, support groups, a counselor or other pet los resource are available to help cope with your grief.
The majority of families we work with either contact us via phone or come to us with questions, anxiety and a lack of information regarding the cremation process. This is, after all, an area of the unknown and these families are either about to, or have just lost a special member of their family and don’t know what to expect next. Just as we conduct research or pre-plan for death-care options for our human companions, I highly encourage pet parents to do the same. Educate yourself in advance. By doing so, you are able to make clear decisions without any surprises. Here are some important questions to ask your pet cremation provider.
What are the services provided and where are they performed?
Be sure to ask the crematory what services they provide and where they are performed – ask for details.
Examples of such questions are:
What types of cremations do you perform at your facility? Private vs Individual, Partitioned vs Communal/Community Cremation. Also, have them explain what their definitions mean in plain terms.
Do they perform these services “On Site” or at another location – if another location, where?
What checks and balances do they offer to ensure families are receiving only their pet’s cremated remains back?
What is included in the price?
How long will it take to receive your pet’s cremated remains?
What types of memorialization options (urns, markers, etc..) do they offer and where can you see these?